We had Abram's memorial and graveside services yesterday. They were led, respectively, by our pastor Brandon Connor and my lifelong friend Ian Hammond.
When we arrived at the church, there were already so many people present. It was really quite amazing to see so many people who care about Abram and our family. Even so, neither Suzanne nor I were particularly emotional at that point. It was actually a little bit of a sensory overload, to see so many people, hug so many people, thank so many people. Don't get me wrong, it was a good thing, but it was a lot to take in.
Just before the service began, I got a text from my friend who lost his son exactly three months before we lost Abram. It read, "'I believe that I shall look upon the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living!' Psalms 27:13 ESV Jude and Abram among millions of others will be there when we finally see the goodness of the Lord!"
Reading this seemed to break me out of the fog of the crowd and helped me instantly focus. I think my heart had been thirsting for tears but my head was a desert of distraction. Tears filled my eyes and rolled down my cheeks. It felt good. It felt appropriate.
I walked quickly to find a tissue, but by the time I had taken ten steps the tears were gone. Greetings resumed and the time to begin the service had soon come.
Our pastor opened the service, welcoming and thanking everyone for coming. Then he prayed. Next, we sang a song that has defined the attitude of my heart through this entire journey, "Though You Slay Me." (I've actually mentioned this song in a previous post.) As the music began, the tears resumed, and I stood and worshiped along with Suzanne, having a hard time singing through the tears for most of the song.
After this song, our pastor delivered a great message. He reminded those present that the grief and sorrow does not end for us on that day, but that it will show up for months or even years to come. He charged them to continue to support us and to pray for us in the coming time. He reminded us that God had answered our prayers. We had shared with him and his wife a few days earlier that we had been praying to meet Abram alive, tell him we love him, and pray with him.
His message was strong, reminding us that Abram is living out the chief end of man (to glorify God by enjoying him forever) more fully than any of us in the room. He encouraged us not to lose heart, to look to Christ as our source of hope, to look forward to the resurrection. He implored those who do not put their trust in Christ to do so. I can't remember everything he said, but he said a lot of good things, and I remember how I felt when he said them. Then he prayed.
As I stepped onto the stage and turned around, I was shocked to see how many people had crowded into the chapel. Suzanne and I had been sitting in the front row and hadn't yet looked behind us. I proceeded to share the story of our's and Abram's journey from the time we found out Suzanne was pregnant up until present day. I will eventually post something similar on here, so I will leave the majority of those details out for now. The important part is that my two other sons came up on stage to support me, as you can see in the pictures below. I've developed the ability to tend to them and tune them out at the same time, and I was exercising that ability as best I could! Our 4-year-old was particularly excited to show Abram's picture to everyone, but this must have been a last hurrah, as he soon fell asleep on my shoulder. I prayed and went again to sit beside Suzanne.
We sang two more songs, "10,000 Reasons" and "This I Believe (The Creed)." We thought "10,000 Reasons" would exemplify the tone of our hearts moving forward. Circumstances do not nullify the worthiness of God to be praised. "This I Believe (The Creed)" is essentially the Apostles' Creed in song form, affirming our belief in several key points of Christian doctrine. I referenced some of the lyrics from this song in the program we handed out.
After those songs, our pastor invited everyone to stick around for food and fellowship, then he closed us in prayer.
Several people approached us offering condolences and extending themselves if we needed anything. We are truly not deserving of this many good friends. There were also several people who had to leave, and we didn't get the time to hug them and thank them personally.
We were especially happy to see one of our nurses from the Bridge Program, Meredith. She came to me just after the service to say goodbye, and with tears in her eyes shared that this day had confirmed for her that she is doing exactly what she is supposed to be doing in life. This was one of the sweetest things I heard all day. Meredith, remember this day when things get tough and you question your worth. Know that what you do provides an immeasurable comfort to families in their darkest of moments and most trying of times.
After we ate and caught up with everyone, we made the short drive to the cemetery. As we congregated under and around the tent that had been erected, I was struck that this was almost the end. Abram's tiny casket lay there adorned with flowers. I pondered the distinction between Abram being in the casket and Abram's body being in the casket. This distinction may seem slight, but it's extremely significant.
My friend, Ian, welcomed everyone and opened with a word of prayer, asking God to enable us to hear his word and bring us comfort through his spirit. He read from John 11:5 and 11:32-44. He encouraged us to look to Jesus in this time, and in so doing we will find love, sympathy, justice and hope. I’ll quote some of my favorite sections from his notes, which he's graciously provided, here:
At the tomb, it says that Jesus was “deeply moved.” That is to say, Jesus was angry. His anger was not at his loved ones nor even his doubters. His anger was surely not against God his Father who wisely guides human history to His desired ends. No. He was angry at death itself. He was angry at the devil. God’s original design was corrupted by the ancient serpent’s deception of Adam. Death and suffering entered into the world through this serpent. And Jesus in his anger toward the evil one has come to do battle with him. The enemy of Abram has become the enemy of Jesus. And in the cross and resurrection, Jesus goes after death and the devil himself and comes out victorious. So look to Jesus our victor, knowing that the God of heaven will do right.
Jesus does for Mary and Martha and Lazarus what he will do for the entirety of his people. Jesus yells “Lazarus, come out!” And he does. Jesus reverses the curse of the fall in their lives. Jesus brings back to life Lazarus. Though Abram is not here, he lives, and will live together with us in the day of resurrection through Jesus Christ our Lord. But Lazarus merely serves as [a] sign. He points ultimately to the resurrection of Jesus, himself. If Lazarus was coming out of the grave, Jesus was going to have to go into it and he does. Jesus on the cross bore the penalty of death for our sins, and in the resurrection has come to bring us life and an indestructible hope for the future.
These were powerful words, and this was a beautiful time in which God’s word was read and proclaimed in the presence of our closest family and friends.
We then all sang "Amazing Grace." I know this song is a funeral favorite, but for me it has another draw. My mom used to sing me to sleep with it, and I sang (and sometimes still sing) it to my boys to help them get to sleep. I never had the opportunity to sing it to Abram, but I thought it would be sweet to sing it together as a symbol of his rest in Christ. We didn't have anyone to lead the song or any accompaniment, so it sounded a little rough; but I am glad we did it. Sometimes the sweetness of the sound is found in the intent.
We then transitioned to a time of prayer, with Ian opening and me closing, and my dad and two other friends, Patrick and Clint, praying in between. These prayers were sweet and sometimes tearful, drenched with sorrow and joy and grief and hope.
Ian closed with a benediction and the graveside service was concluded.
Suzanne and I stuck around with our four-year-old until the casket was lowered and covered with dirt. As we walked to the car, he asked with sincere concern, "How is Abram going to get out?" We had talked him through everything several times in the last few days, but I was glad for the question. I replied, "That's a great question. Abram's body is in there, but his soul is with God, remember?" He said that he did. "And one day," I continued, "when Jesus returns, God will raise Abram's body out of the ground and bring his soul and body back together, making him new, and Abram won't be sick anymore. We will get to enjoy God with him for eternity!"
He was quiet, undoubtedly pondering this truth, integrating it again into his understanding and tracing its implications. But he wasn't the only one doing that.
There were many people who came together to make these services beautiful and smooth. Thank you all for your tireless and selfless efforts!
Thanks also to Jason at Southern Mississippi Funeral Services and Constance at Crestlawn Memorial Park for helping with arrangements.