Last night when we got into bed, I read over every comment made on the previous posts and looked through all of our pictures with Abram. I was overcome. I wept and sobbed for some time, with Suzanne lying next to me crying silently.
I grabbed Suzanne’s hand and cried out to God, with a deep sense that I have been too prideful, too arrogant and flippant with my words and thoughts. It hit me that “what I know” means nothing, and that I actually know nothing as I ought. It became much more clear that we are utterly dependent on God.
Last night I realized that this is actually much more difficult than I expected it to be. I think I know what it means to be “undone” now. Yet I know that this is good. I can’t quite explain it, but there is a sweetness to all of this.
I am helpless, but God is mighty. I know nothing as I ought, but God knows all things perfectly. I love my son, but God loves him infinitely more.
I spoke to a friend yesterday evening who also lost his son a few months ago, and he encouraged us to not let the tenderness of these next few months be wasted. I pray that we won’t. We ask for you to pray the same along with us.