We just crossed the five month mark since Abram was born. We have a lot going on now. We’ve sold our home and are going to be moving into a rental in about 11 days. We have purchased land and plan to build a new home, and we’re in the early stages of that process.
I think, by the grace of God, we are coping well. I have had a few dreams about Abram. I don’t want to get in the details, but they were strange, hopeful, and unsettling all at the same time. On a few occasions, my four year old has begun crying. When I’ve asked him why, he’s said that he misses Abram. These are hard moments. It’s hard to tell how this is affecting him because he just doesn’t have the words to express what he’s going through. Suzanne is doing well. Each month when the 14th rolls around, she (understandably) gets a little more emotional. Our two year old recognizes pictures of Abram, but there doesn’t seem to be anything bothering him. I think he’s just too young to even understand.
So I’m on the fence about retiring the blog. Before I do, I will need to find a way to extract the content and comments, because I do want it to be available for future reference. I don’t know if I will print everything off and put it in a binder or find a way to save all of the individual webpages in a folder, or both. There is an internal struggle over whether to keep the blog going or retire it. I think this is because it feels so final. If I leave it up, I would probably continue to post periodically, but the posts have been and would continue to be very infrequent. The benefit of leaving it up is that it could be used to fill people in on our situation if it ever comes up. It’s also a decent way to continue to process. But the downside is that it is an expense that amounts to about $200 a year. I have to weigh the utility of the blog against that expense, and I don’t know that it balances. However, I may be able to migrate the site to a free hosting platform and keep it up. I’m really just “thinking out loud” right now. I know we get very few page visits in a given week, so almost no one will be reading this! Anyway, that’s what’s going on with us and with the site.